When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
