do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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