And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
