I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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