my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
