my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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