Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
