5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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