I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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