Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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