Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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