Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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