she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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