Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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