My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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