Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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