I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
