I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just cut my nipple shaving
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
