I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
