How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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