I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
