All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
