he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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