I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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