He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
