I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i drank out of a bidet.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
