Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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