The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
