someone get that fucking seahorse.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
