Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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