New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
