Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
