When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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