He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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