That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
