I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
