elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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