just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
