I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
