Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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