my shit smells like andre
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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