i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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