You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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