So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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