Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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