He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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