Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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