He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
