Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
high people should be assigned attendants
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's never too late to be topless.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize