Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
