I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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