I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
...so i touched it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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