My Higher Power is John Stamos
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize