we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
