So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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