My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
