Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
