She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
