ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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