my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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