So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
