I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
