I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love having hate sex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
