Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
