This is not my ceiling
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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