I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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