It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
