I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this just has baby written all over it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Everyone says I win the strip club
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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