He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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