When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
