Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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