You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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