Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
