Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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