he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
