My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
