Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Green mimosas i think yes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
