could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
