he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
