so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
