her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
