I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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